Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
