Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
