There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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