he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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