D3 body, D1 cock
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
