It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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