I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
