If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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