Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
