if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
smell my finger.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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