guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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