Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
