is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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