We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
