and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
