Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
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I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize