If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
