What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
