There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
