1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I lost the right to judge tonight
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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