Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
