When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
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Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
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Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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