Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
