I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
sex in a hospital.. check
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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