Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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