He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
