O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
