Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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