omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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