U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
