he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
