he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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