Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
