The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
