My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
