Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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