oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
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You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
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.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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