guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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