your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
