I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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