this just has baby written all over it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
