Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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