if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
