i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
