i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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