Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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