im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
