we have officially lost it.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So apparently I’m into choking now
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
