If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
