When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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