She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Can I color on your dick again?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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