why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
