This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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