He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
