PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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