You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
