you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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