dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
All I want is dick and wine.
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