when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
