I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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