I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
