Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
