I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
