dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
