last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize