We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I will pee on everything he values.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
