She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
