Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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