dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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