okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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