i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
