Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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