but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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