oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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