He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
